The Dangers of Technology.

One question many parents have asked me is whether or not it would be a good idea to give their children mobile phones or perhaps allow them to join social networking sites such as Friendster or Multiply. Being a big fan of modern day technology, my answer is often yes, as long as you think your child is ready for it. I even encourage blogging and keeping an online journal because this helps hone their writing skills. It also develops their thinking skills, as well as builds their vocabulary and enhance logical thinking.

However, as much as I am a big supporter of the internet as a venue for learning, I am taking this time to take pause and outline some of the danger technology brings, especially to the youth of today. This comes as my reaction to the increasing numbers of sex videos, sexually explicit photographs and innuendos found not just in the internet, and even on personal mobile phones and devices.A growing phenomenon that needs to be given a good look is that of sexting and cyber bullying. Wikipedia defines sexting as “…the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones”.  While for many, it seems common sense to keep private things private, it seems that sexting is becoming increasingly popular to teenagers and young adults. In fact, according to CBS news, 20 percent of teens who participated in a nationwide survey in the US admitted to having been involved  in sexting.

Adolescence is a time of exploration and development of self-identity. To some extent, it is typical to explore one’s sexuality and body at this time. However, it appears that many of the adolescents (and young adults) are not able to appreciate the extent or long-term damage these experimentation can bring. While at the time of the act it may seem cool or perhaps inconsequential, many teens have learned the hard way that it is not. A case in point here is that of an eighteen year old girl who committed suicide after a nude photo of her was “sexted” to hundreds of students in her school.

To some degree, some acts of sexting fall within the realms of cyber bullying. As defined by Wikipedia, cyber bullying “involves the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others” . According to the National Crime Prevention Council, a Washington based educational organization that aims to educate children about crime prevention, cyber bullying can include but not limitd to the use of the Internet, cellular phones and similar devices to send images and information intended to hurt or embarass another. This phenomenon seems to have been made even more popular by the television show Gossip Girl where an anonymous blogger posts information about the lives of the affluent Upper East Side teenagers. To be able to do so, she relies tips via text messages and photos by the students themselves. The object of the “blast” is then humiliated or shamed, whether the information is real or not.

With that said, what can parents do to safeguard their children? Here are some practical tips and suggestions that may work for you:

1. Place your computer in an open and accessible workspace where a lot of traffic is going on rather than allowing your tween or adolescent to have it in the privacy of their bedrooms. By doing this, you are able to supervise without necessarily hounding your child about the websites they are surfing.

2. Join the same networks they are joining. My young niece has a Facebook account and while I know there are ways to circumvent supervision, having me and the rest of the family as part of her network , makes her think twice about what she will post or do in her site. Also, by being part of her network, I get to see what others in her network are doing, thus allowing me to be aware of what they may be getting themselves into.

3. Talk to your children about what they are doing online. Even though this may be difficult for some teenagers and parents to accomplish, opening up lines of communication is crucial. Also, it would help to talk to them about sex and similar adolescent needs as this will help clarify questions that may be in their minds.

4. Give them feedback. Most children and adolescents nowadays own some form of a camera, be it a digital camera or a cellphone camera. Comment on the photos they take. Tell them what you think about it. This will be a good way for you to let them know that they may be crossing a line from acceptable pictures to not acceptable. For example, one time I found a picture of my brother and a girl classmate in a compromising situation. This became our springboard for discussion to what is right and wrong between boys and girls at their age and what it is all about. If this is uncomfortable for you, you can opt to use pictures you see around you. I remember when I was younger my mom would cover my eyes when a kissing scene would show on TV. However, much as that worked for me, I realize that by doing that, it seemed more maliscous, thus increasing curiousity. When my sisters turn came, my mom was more linient. Rather than covering her eyes, she would give comments like “these are things grown-ups do” . As such, it seemed more “normal”.

5. Keep abreast with technology. It is important for todays parents to be aware of the lingo used online. While the use of emoticons and acronyms are popular, if a parent does not know what this means, their kids may be getting involved in something inappropriate right under their noses. Also, while technology continually changes, remind them that what they put in the net will be there a long, long time, so they should  take pause and consider how they would feel if they lose the chance at a scholarship in a good school because of what they do online.

6. Do not tell your children that “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me“.  Cyber bullying is indeed a collection of words and though we can rationalize and say it doesn’t matter, IT DOES. In fact, words DO HARM. I grew up being told this, especially when it came to hurtful words about being fat. I realize now that while shrugging it off and ignoring negative words can help, the words told to me have scarred me forever. By telling your kids words don’t harm, it is like tacitly saying it’s okay to tease and bully. Perhaps rather than this we can tell our kids something like “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it” or even better, maybe we can ask them “how would you feel if someone said that about you”.

In closing, I believe that despite all the dangers or ills of modern day technology, it is a great thing. Like all things, taking things in moderation and being aware of the consequences of one’s actions are key to making the most of it.

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