Missing my Little Cara-tot

I would be lying if I said I don’t have class favorites.

Let me qualify that statement: I have kids who I feel more connected to compared to others, but this does not mean I don’t treat my kids equally. Some of them just have the uncanny ability of tugging at my heartstrings. To be fair, I keep my emotions in check when I work with the children in class, and I make sure to have my partner tell me if she feels I am paying too much attention to one over the other.

The thing is, as hard as I try not to get attached to some other kids, I can’t help but fall for some of them. Perhaps it’s because of a certain need they have, or a difficulty we worked through together, or simply because he or she is simply adorable and can make me laugh, whatever it is, some of them creep slowly into my heart and stay there for a long, long time.

Cara was one of those little kids who touched my heart and has stayed there despite the fact that she has been gone for the past two school years already.

I guess what made Cara so special to me was that she was in the first class I taught after returning from my two year retirement from preschool teaching and she was one of my biggest success stories ever! She transformed from a very clingy (yes, with matching cry, kick and may-I-throw-you-a-tantrum daily) little girl who refused to talk to anyone except her cousin Rafa and her nanny to a confident and sociable child in a few months. At first she would not allow me to hold her and would really cry if her yaya was asked to wait in the nanny area already. Eventually, seeing me pacified her and she soon began coming in with no crying as long as I met her at the door. By mid-year, she was participating in big group activities where the different classes in our school would work together for assembly. Not long after that, she would walk in to the school by herself, gamely waving goodbye to her mom who no longer even had to get out of the car to walk her in to class. More than her academic abilities that grew in my class, seeing her become her own independent person was really a joy for me. It didn’t hurt either that she had a fabulous sense of humor, even at age 3.

She was the perfect “Welcome Back Teacher” experience for me.

When I had learned she was leaving, it hurt soooo bad. Seeing her go was  truly the hardest part of the job that school year. I haven’t seen her since she left my class, but every once in a while I think of her and wonder what she’s like right now.

When I think about it, however, I think my attachment to her is more about me than it was about her. I guess she was one of those rare gifts we are given once in a while to remind us about what is truly important in life. In many ways, having her in my class affirmed my passion for being Teacher Ria. She reminded me of what pure joy was what it meant to be carefree and happy. To some degree, I would even say that if it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with teaching again.

And now I ask myself: am I ready to say goodbye to it again?

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