Posted by Teacher Ria in Advocacies, Life Lessons, Outside the Classroom | 8 Comments

Nurturing a Teen’s Self-Esteem: Reflections learned from PBB

Last night, I caught an episode of the television show Pinoy Big Brother Teen Clash (PBB). Even from the teasers and trailers of the episode which aired throughout prime time, I had a bad feeling about what would happen in the show.

The nights episode featured the birthday parties of teens Tricia and Devon (disclaimer lang muna: sa lahat ng girls, pinakanagugustuhan kong mukha ay kay Devon, not the typical showbiz beauty pero maganda mukha niya! OT!!!). Since they are celebrating their birthdays this week, Kuya decided to give them a birthday party each. Sadly, it will be on the same day and their friends can only attend one party. Hmmm….from that pa lang na-off na ako. The idea of having to place a teenager at that position is quite an emotionally challenging experience. Nakaka-trauma kaya! Siguro kaya ako affected kasi alam ko rin naman that this is a personal issue that bothers me rin. For others, maybe this is not an issue. I’ll explain later why this triggered some emotions and negative feelings in me.

Anyway, as I had assumed (based on the trailer) hardly anyone went to Tricia’s party. Granted that she is the “unliked” teen by the others,  it was sad to see how this was played upon even more. While she was waiting for guests to arrive, for example, she heard the other side of the house celebrating as one by one, the Pinoy housemates arrived and cheered for Devon. I felt so bad for Tricia as she tried to cheer herself on despite the tears that were welling up in her eyes. I myself have been in that position many times, whispering to myself “okay lang yun”.  By the end of the episode, aamin ko na pati ako naluha. Yes, this coming from me who used to tell my own mother that she was so baduy because she was not just watchingPBB, pero naiinvolve pa talaga siya!

Now…what does this have to do about me? Well…for one, I was a teen once. A not so pretty and mega super overweight teen at that. As such, I was never the “liked” teen in class. Also, many say I look mataray and suplada because of the way I look (at least when I was younger). Because of that, I was often misunderstood and disliked. I remember how whenever class groupings had to be made, I would often be the last to be chosen. Watching the show last night reminded me of that.

I would always dismiss it and tell myself it didn’t matter. For the most part, okay lang naman talaga sa akin. Or so I thought. A teenager’s ego is quite fragile and a lot of seemingly insignificant events can leave emotional scars that may not be apparent till much later on in life. In my case, that’s true. I always thought I had resolved those feelings and chalked it up to nothing but even as a young adult, I had a lot of insecurities even at work. In fact, one time I was inadvertently left off in an email correspondence between colleagues and this triggered a lot of feelings of anxiety and depression in me.  So much so I needed help to get over it.

Some may say OA naman reaction ko. Pero sa totoo lang, a lot of those feelings are deeply rooted in my poor self-esteem formation as a teen. While I may come across as confident and boisterous, those are cover-ups for my insecurity. I don’t personally know Tricia, pero what if kaya rin siya napagkakamalang maarte at lahat dahil ito rin ang way niya to deal with her feelings?

Adolescence is perhaps one of the most tumultuous and difficult experiences one goes through in life. It is often plagued with insecurities and uncertainties about who one is and the direction one is going in their lives. While this period in life brings with it a lot of new and exciting experiences, it also brings with it challenges that are often hard to explain.

According to Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory of Development, this is a period in which one goes through the developmental crisis known as “Identity vs. Role Confusion”.  In Britney Spears talk, at this time, a teenage girl is “not a girl, not yet a woman”. Whatever way you look at it, a teenage girl is at a crossroads of her life. She is picking up pieces of a puzzle that will complete a picture of who she is and what she is all about.

For me, last night’s experience was a painful episode in a vulnerable teens life. While she was opening an ice cream cone while talking to Patrick, you could see how pained she was that she really wanted to cry. I wonder how this will affect her self-esteem…

I have to applaud Tricia’s response to a very painful experience she had to go through. As she huddled under the blankets when the Pinoy teens arrived after the party, I heard her mutter what I would usually answer, but with less sarcasm: tapos na rin naman, wala na tayong magagawa.  She also invited her housemates to eat cake after going to the confession room and For a 15 year old, that was pretty big of her.

Moving on, however, the episode taught me an important lesson as a teacher What is this? Well, it reminded me about my role in nurturing a child and teen’s self-esteem. Sometimes it’s easy to overlook this. Here are some tips on how to nurture a child (or teens) self-esteem:

1. Give them constant affirmation for the good they do. By recognizing their strengths and highlighting their accomplishments, they can feel better about themselves. This will also help build their self-image.
2. Focus on the positive, not the negative! Rather than saying “sayang may two mistakes ka, perfect na sana e!” say “great job! you almost got it all!” .  Although to be fair, pointing out the two mistakes can be a form of challenging them to do better. Be careful in using it.
3. When punishing or reprimanding them, focus on the negative behavior and not the individual. Many times we unintentionally say ang tigas talaga ng ulo mo, no? or you’re such a bad girl (for younger kids). Rather than saying that, try using words like “what you did is bad” or “Your behavior is unacceptable”.
4. For teachers, when making groups in class, try counting-off or assigning groups rather than leaving the students to pick their own group mates. This is what I’m most guilty of. I often let my students pick teams and I have had times when there is someone that the class does not like and she is left alone. Once, in fact, I had to intervene because no one wanted this girl in their groups and the girl ended up in tears.
5. Provide opportunities for success rather than defeat. This does not mean, however, that he/she should not be challenged to push themselves further.

I am looking forward to tonight’s episode. I want to see how Kuya processes this (I sure hope meron!) and how he will turn this into a learning experience for everyone involved. By the way, hats off to some of the teenternationals who showed concern towards Tricia. I don’t know who said it but after the party, one of them commented that “it’s like they don’t even care”. Let’s see how this transforms these teens not just to be winners in this reality show but to actually become winners in life.

PS: please excuse the grammar and taglish nature of this post emotional issue here!

Posted by Teacher Ria in Life Lessons, Teacher's Corner | 0 Comments

Charice: On the Pyramid of Success

Every time I watch videos of Charice on You Tube, I get moved to tears, literally. There’s something about her that tugs at my heartstrings, especially when she is on a stage with Oprah. Today while browsing my Facebook page, I came across a video of Charice’s phenomenal debut at the Oprah show which was posted by a friend. I clicked it and yes, I was left in tears again.

She never fails to amaze me! I love her vulnerability and her nervous energy which makes me feel her authenticity. I feel that she is really living her dream. As I write this, I am playing videos of her on You Tube on another browser window.

It sad though, that while the rest of the world loves her, she did not experience the same successes on the local scene. In  an episode of Oprah, she shared how she was made to feel that she was not good enough or pretty enough especially for the local audience. However, thanks to her sudden discovery on You Tube which led her to Ellen and Oprah, she has proven all those who said she wouldn’t make it wrong.

I am thrilled at where she is at now…not simply because I am a Filipino who is thrilled at another Pinoy’s success, but for the simple fact that she has made it, she has reached her dream.

As a teacher, one of the things I try to foster in children is the idea that they can live their dreams. I tell them that working hard and believing in themselves is very important because without that, they’re already halfway lost. While luck may help a dream along, I personally think there’s no substitute to striving for one’s dream.

Charice is a shining example of living a dream. I hope that (while I know I’m no Oprah!!!) I can foster this attitude of hope, resilience and belief in oneself in the children I teach.

Watch Charice debut her album on Oprah here and for a look back at her Oprah journey which led to her present successes, check out the Charice – The O Road to May 11th video series on You Tube

Posted by Teacher Ria in Life Lessons, Teacher's Corner | 1 Comment

My Teacher of Life’s Important Lessons.

Many of life’s important lessons were taught to me by the most uncanny teacher.

In my wildest imagination, I would not have imagined how much I have grown and become a better person since he came into my life. To be honest, when he first came, I was not interested. I tried not to be attracted. I fought hard not to fall for him but try as I might, he was just too charming not to fall in love with. When I finally allowed myself to love him, my life changed drastically.

Because of him I learned what it meant to be selfless. I used to tell my friends so proudly that I would never let anyone else dictate to me how or when to do things. I used to be proud of the fact that I did exactly what I wanted and I offered no apologies for it.  But when he came into my life, I started changing that. Whenever I make decisions now, I factor in how this affects him. Despite this, it is because of him that I appreciated the fact that being selfless does not mean not loving yourself, but doing both at the same time.

In him I saw what adoration meant. I never really had to do anything special to receive this, it was just there. In the same breath, he taught me that this is what unconditional love really is.

I learned to be more open-minded and accepting of others for who they really are. Because of him, I was able to let go of past judgments and irrational beliefs I held on to. In many ways, he makes me think outside the box and to try things in new ways.

He taught me to be forgiving and what letting go of anger means. Whenever I fail him or hurt him, a little cariño and a sorry is enough then all is forgotten.

He also taught me how to take a chance. For most of my life I had always been the one who’d bet only on the sure thing. I was the one who never took excessive risks and very seldom even accommodated calculated ones. But with him, all that went out the window and I just said why not.

But more than anything I think the most important lesson I’ve learned from him is that when there is love, that’s all that matters. No, I am not being cheesy here, nor have I gone all lovey-dovey. What I mean by this is that because there is love, real love that is, one can really overlook shortcomings, differences and inadequacies.  I sure have a lot of those and yet my Bubba loves me.

Yes, Bubba is a dog. I told you he was an uncanny teacher!

_____

I just realized this isn’t the first time I’ve written about Bubba…he really has taught me so much since I got him. Here’s an excerpt of a post back in 2006. I had him for about a year then. READ THE FULL ENTRY HERE

When Bubba first came into our home, I said there was no way I was gonna like him. After all, I hate dogs….But as the days progressed, the little creature slowly worked his way into my heart. Much as I didn’t wanna admit it, it made me smile when he’d come running to the gate when I’d come home from a long day’s work. Whenever he’d do a trick I’d teach him, it made me feel a bit glad. Still, even with those minor concessions, I still wasn’t ready to admit I was smitten.

Then one night while we were taking a walk, I realized it was not really “Bubba” that I said I wouldn’t like. In many ways, I chose not to allow him into my heart because by doing so, I would set myself up for another goodbye somewhere down the road. I’ve had to say goodbye too many times in my life already, and I didn’t need another one. Why set myself up for the pain and sadness that ultimately comes in the end?…

Okay, okay, I begrudgingly admit it…I have fallen again. This time, I’m not afraid of making the mistake and of the hurt that may come along with it. Who knows, maybe this time, it wouldn’t end that way. And maybe, just maybe, I won’t be alone anymore. No matter what happens though, even if I ended up with a goodbye down the road, I wouldn’t be completely alone because of what I have gained along the way.

Posted by Teacher Ria in Life Lessons, The Library | 15 Comments

Books to Liven Up Every Library

For PhotoHunt this week, the theme is books. Over the summer, my colleagues and I cleaned up the school library and decided to allot one slot for our “favorite” books. From Guess How Much I Love You to The Rainbow Fish, the shelf is definitely the most overused section of our library.

However, if I were to recommend books to liven up any kids library, it would definitely be those of Eric Carle.  These are but a few of his many fun and colorful books for children. My personal favorite is Brown Bear, Brown Bear because it provides a venue for active involvement with the kids I read it too. After the story, I extend the book to a class activity where I ask the kids to draw what they want to see then we make our own book about it. On a recent trip to FullyBooked bookstore here in the Philippines, I almost fainted at the wonderful Eric Carle selection they had!

Posted by Teacher Ria in Life Lessons, Teacher's Corner, Tips and Tricks | 0 Comments

And the Underdog, Kris Allen takes the win!

I have always loved rooting for the underdog, albeit  I may enjoy the popular choice better. This years American Idol finale was no execption. While I enjoyed watching the outlandish and lavish performances by crowd favorite Adam Lambert, I secretly crossed my fingers for an upset.

And an upset we all got!

In the latest idol shocker, Kris Allen, the quiet and understated crooner, won the coveted American Idol title leaving many Lambert fans in shock at the results. Immediately after the win the clamor of the upset filled microblogging sites. However, let me, Teacher Ria, take this moment to savor the win of the underdog.

Posted by Teacher Ria in Life Lessons | 1 Comment

Playing in the Sandbox.

(I am borrowing the term sandbox loosely from the Social Networking Site of the same name. I don’t know if the developers named the Smart’s site, Sandbox for the same reason I envision it to be, but nonetheless, I think I live in a world of virtual sandboxes. Parts of this post is taken from an earlier post I wrote in my Sandbox account entitled “In the Sandbox”.)

As a preschool teacher, I’ve seen many great things happen in the sandbox. From friendships being formed to arguments erupting and being settled the Sandbox is probably a kids version of the real world. This is where ideas are born and developed. It is where loyalties are learned and values are explored. And lest we forget, it is a place of fun!

As we get older, we move away from the sandbox and forage through the great unknown, but the dynamics remain the same. We find a place where we converge, form friendships, settle arguments, share ideas, and even find love and grow.